It finally happened. I woke up Saturday morning, and my thought was “I’m alone.” It took six weeks in Guatemala, but it finally happened. Loneliness reared its head. Don’t get me wrong; there are plenty of people to hang out with and plenty of things to do. But I was feeling the lack of a good friend I could call and meet somewhere and talk about the important things in life. I was feeling the lack of Christian community.
I did my best to keep my chin up all day Saturday, but I couldn’t seem to shake my mood, which seemed to match the dreary, grey, rainy weather. Thoughts filled my head like:
“Sharon, what are you doing here?”
“Loving people doesn’t do any good.”
“You are clearly not cut out to be a missionary.”
“Being in Guatemala right now is pointless.”
I found myself sincerely longing for church on Sunday morning. I tried to no avail to contact my one other Christian friend here, but as has been the case recently, I couldn’t reach him.
Finally, Sunday morning came. I watched a parade alone, ate breakfast alone and went to church alone. During the service, I was rather overcome with my loneliness and cried quite a bit. A bright spot was that during the singing time, we sang “Sweetly Broken” (in both English and Spanish), and I was able to fully worship because I meant every word. Toward the end of the service, there was a time for prayer, and if you wanted to go up front, you were welcome to. I noticed that the pastor was going down the line of people up front just laying a hand on them and praying silently for them. I am not an avid go-up-fronter, but in that moment, I found myself craving a wholesome touch. I longed for physical contact springing from genuine Love, a touch that did not involve hormones or silliness. So I went up front. I knelt and prayed silently, and when the pastor came by and put his hand on my shoulder, though it was only for 5 seconds, to me it was like the hand of God. I relaxed. It was a message that I am not alone.
Yet when I went back to my seat, I felt alone again. I was borderline throwing myself a pity party so I gave myself a pep talk: “Sharon Roberts, stop it. You are sitting in a room full of Christians. Surely, one of them wouldn’t mind being your friend. Surely you could talk to one of them. All you need is one. Open your eyes. Wake up. Look outside of yourself.” I scanned the crowd but still wasn’t sure what to do. Finally, I put it in God’s hands (something I should have done sooner) and prayed that God would bring me a friend.
Immediately after the service ended, a girl who was helping clean up came over to take my empty water cup to the trash, and we struck up a conversation. She is in her 20’s and is in Guatemala for student teaching. Like me, she is not with a specific organization and therefore is rather on her own for finding people to connect with. She arrived yesterday and could use a friend. Um, hello. God answers prayer.
She asked what I was doing for the rest of the day. I was honest and said I wanted to send out a newsletter. This is not something I tell most people here. She knew exactly the type of newsletter I meant and said she needed to work on one as well. Minutes later, we were sitting side by side in an Internet-equipped restaurant. And you know what? She has a phone! Not everyone I meet here has a phone which makes getting together very difficult. But my new friend does. I have someone of like mind to call!
Oh Lord my God, thank You for answering so quickly and for introducing me to Lauren!
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